More eye candy

Tomorrow is my 43rd birthday, and since I'm rapidly heading towards 50 (and a potential midlife crisis), I have been reflecting deeply on my life.  Plus, my mother from Germany is visiting, and we've been talking about our past for hours every day.  There's a lot of painful stuff there, since we are processing our childhood traumas.  We are healing together.  It's so beautiful to have this new trust and love between us.  I treasure it immensely.

As I'm reflecting on my life, I feel so grateful for the growth I've experienced in my life.  I'm even grateful for the pain my Mom and I have been talking about because it has made me into the person I am.  I like that person now.  I am completely amazed at the life I have created for myself.  I feel like I am in the center of my calling!  I am doing what I love, I feel a tremendous purpose, and I am accompanied by some of the best people on the planet.

No, my life is not all roses and sunshine... Far from it.  Despite the paradise you see here on my blog, it's not always easy and gorgeous.  I do yell at my kids.  I get bone tired and bored with my chores.  My husband pisses me off sometimes.  I fall into a hole of depression for weeks when it rains every single day.

And yet.  After having lived on this planet for 43 years, the big picture of my life is filled with positivity, love, gratitude, blessings, support, friendship, and lots of bliss (just don't mention laundry right now).

One reason why I feel so grounded is where I live.  I am surrounded by mountains and wild rivers, and the ocean is only one and a half hours away. One of my blog readers calls my blog eye candy, so let me show you some more.  
I took these pictures on a trip with my Mom last week.  We drove up to Mount Baker's Artist Point and hiked around, surrounded by the grandeur and holiness of the mountains.

A few days before that trip, we showed off the mighty Skagit River to my Mom in our friend's boat.  Luke brought his fishing pole, but the fishies were shy that day.  Instead of catching fish, we caught some great pictures on camera.

We also went to Whidbey Island for two days, played at the beach, collected many crab shells that stunk up our car, and walked miles by the water while the Olympic Mountains kept watch over us in the distance.

Here are more reasons I am happy with my life: my garden and my animals, and the connection my kids have with them.  It does my soul good to spend time with four legged and winged creatures, and witness my children and their friends handle them gently and with compassion.

Time away

My sweet, dear husband gave me two days off this week.  In the past, I didn't think I deserved time off, or I thought I was a bad mother when I started feeling sick of my children, or when I felt utmost despair of doing one more load of laundry, or when I disolved in tears at the thought of cooking dinner after a busy day.  Over time, I have learned that every mother needs time off to rejuvenate and get perspective on her life.  So when I told Steve that I needed some time off (meaning I wanted a two hour slot alone to go for a walk, or sit stupidly without talking for an hour) he told me to take two whole days off.  Two days!  So I went to Whidbey island for a mini retreat.

The first day, I bicycled around Camano Island.  I felt high on the exercise and the smell of lilacs, and the thrill of being all by myself, not having to take care of anyone else but myself.  The first 20 miles were awesome.  The next ten miles, my nether regions started hurting, not being used to hours on the saddle.  The last ten miles, my legs were burning, and I was starving.  At the end of the 40 plus miles, even my voice had suffered.  I had been chased by two gigantic dogs, and I yelled at them with all I had, instead of trying to outrun them, knowing my muscles couldn't take it.
In short: I was blissed out.  I headed to Steve and my favorite restaurant "Adrift" in Anacortes, where they serve locally sourced food, prepared in a heavenly manner, and I fell upon my salmon tacos like a starving woman who had biked her ass off.
The next day, I headed to the local knitting store, of course, where I bought yarn to make a sun hat.  I can't wait to start on this project!
Next: Washington Park, which is such a lovely, quiet spot to hike and relax.  I walked, sat, knitted, walked, sat, knitted, walked, sat, knitted, for hours.

Perspective is good.  After a little time away from my normal life, I am so very ready to return to it.  I miss my family when we are apart, and I don't feel whole.  I notice other people's children, and sometimes I tear up when I watch a mother and her little child, hunting for rocks at the beach, missing my own children so badly it hurts.  But then, when I call Steve at home and hear all the chaos and the children's screams in the background, I gratefully hang up the phone, returning to whatever quiet, refreshing, rejuvenating thing I have been doing, and I sigh a little bit with the pleasure of knowing that I still have some hours left to be away from them.

The temperatures this week have been in the high 80's!  That's even hotter than summer!  The kids and I have been taking breaks from the hot gardening work at the neighbor's pond, jumping into the cold, cold water, paddling on it with a surfboard, catching frogs, digging in the sand, and enjoying the luxury of having a pond a minute's walk away from our house.

In the meantime, the pigs are watching us, since they live in the pasture next to the pond.  Don't worry, there is no manure run off.  We have to return one of the piglets because of the hernia, so we'll switch it out for a "new" one on Sunday.