Thursday, May 9, 2013

Time away

My sweet, dear husband gave me two days off this week.  In the past, I didn't think I deserved time off, or I thought I was a bad mother when I started feeling sick of my children, or when I felt utmost despair of doing one more load of laundry, or when I disolved in tears at the thought of cooking dinner after a busy day.  Over time, I have learned that every mother needs time off to rejuvenate and get perspective on her life.  So when I told Steve that I needed some time off (meaning I wanted a two hour slot alone to go for a walk, or sit stupidly without talking for an hour) he told me to take two whole days off.  Two days!  So I went to Whidbey island for a mini retreat.


The first day, I bicycled around Camano Island.  I felt high on the exercise and the smell of lilacs, and the thrill of being all by myself, not having to take care of anyone else but myself.  The first 20 miles were awesome.  The next ten miles, my nether regions started hurting, not being used to hours on the saddle.  The last ten miles, my legs were burning, and I was starving.  At the end of the 40 plus miles, even my voice had suffered.  I had been chased by two gigantic dogs, and I yelled at them with all I had, instead of trying to outrun them, knowing my muscles couldn't take it.
In short: I was blissed out.  I headed to Steve and my favorite restaurant "Adrift" in Anacortes, where they serve locally sourced food, prepared in a heavenly manner, and I fell upon my salmon tacos like a starving woman who had biked her ass off.
The next day, I headed to the local knitting store, of course, where I bought yarn to make a sun hat.  I can't wait to start on this project!
Next: Washington Park, which is such a lovely, quiet spot to hike and relax.  I walked, sat, knitted, walked, sat, knitted, walked, sat, knitted, for hours.






Perspective is good.  After a little time away from my normal life, I am so very ready to return to it.  I miss my family when we are apart, and I don't feel whole.  I notice other people's children, and sometimes I tear up when I watch a mother and her little child, hunting for rocks at the beach, missing my own children so badly it hurts.  But then, when I call Steve at home and hear all the chaos and the children's screams in the background, I gratefully hang up the phone, returning to whatever quiet, refreshing, rejuvenating thing I have been doing, and I sigh a little bit with the pleasure of knowing that I still have some hours left to be away from them.

The temperatures this week have been in the high 80's!  That's even hotter than summer!  The kids and I have been taking breaks from the hot gardening work at the neighbor's pond, jumping into the cold, cold water, paddling on it with a surfboard, catching frogs, digging in the sand, and enjoying the luxury of having a pond a minute's walk away from our house.



In the meantime, the pigs are watching us, since they live in the pasture next to the pond.  Don't worry, there is no manure run off.  We have to return one of the piglets because of the hernia, so we'll switch it out for a "new" one on Sunday.


8 comments:

  1. Corinna, your honesty and heartfelt love of life and love of your family is so wonderful! I feel like I share your journey as I read each word. It's so touching to feel the vulnerability and transparency of your soul! You are a wonderful knitter too along with all your other skills and talents, you are completely immersed in living with all the challenges and the joys as you wrote so well in this blog! So inspiring!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Tuyet,
      Your support of me and my family is so heartwarming. I love reading your comments, and it helps to have people reflect back to me what is true, because when I am in the place of overwhelm, it's hard to see that!
      Much love to you!

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  2. I am so glad you took some time away my dear...Im gonna call you today momma!

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    Replies
    1. Dearest Lindsay,
      I thought of you a lot at Washington Park, since last time I was there it was with you. Miss you so much. Yes, please call today!!!!

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  3. Corina what a lovely post! So glad you have a husband who appreciates you and takes care of you! I can so relate with those feelings of I really need some time away, time to remember how much I love them, how much I love my job and how blessed I am. It's so easy to lose perspective when we are in the garden tilling and hoeing in the hot sun, that one day the work of our hands will produce great harvest.

    I am so grateful to have a husband who recognizes when I need some time to myself to recharge. Looks like you really had a delightful time! I know I haven't known you for very long but I see such beauty and kindred heart in you, you're a gem!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Jenni,
      I know, we are so lucky to have husbands who are so supportive! I feel very blessed! It's easy to get overwhelmed, isn't it? I find that once I recognize the warning signs of getting too overwhelmed and then try to take care of myself first, it then gives my husband the chance to support me better, instead of me resenting him for not reading my mind about what I need!

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    2. I find myself fighting against the desire for my husband to read my mind as well! "What?! You don't KNOW that I'm seething right now? Why would I NOT talk for the whole 30 minute drive if I was not upset?!" And yet he legitimately thought I was tired or just being quiet ;) It's kind of funny to think back on how ridiculous my expectations are at times, and yet in the midst of it they seem totally legitimate. Women. Sometimes I wish I could wake up in a completely logically body, for just a day! But thankfully my husband appreciates my illogical thinking and my womanly ways. Even if neither of us understand them half the time!

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  4. I hear you! It's nice to get away but then you don't feel whole either. Glad you had such a rejuvenating time.!

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