If you accuse me of sporting a deer-in-the-headlight-look, I ask you this: how would you look like if labor pains gripped you? And what about the size of my poor, swollen udder? Do you think THAT is painless? I assure you: it's tender as hell.
Excuse me for showing my lady parts here, but you lose all sense of modesty once labor hits.
I'm closing my eyes not because I'm sleeping. No, no! It's because this frigging hurts, and I'm concentrating.
The woman below is called Corina, and she is my human. I like her because she feeds me every day, and she talks softly to me (except when I chew on her clothes). She even sings to me when she milks me. Yeah, she's alright.
Especially right now. I really like having her around to comfort me when it feels like my insides are being ripped open."
"Hi guys, Corina here! Dandelion finally decided it was time to give birth! Yippie! All the waiting is over, and my sweet goat is getting down to business.
I checked on her all day long, but never really saw any contractions. I knew she was close-ish to giving birth because her udder was HUGE, and she was concentrating. Around lunch time, I checked on her, and I saw her pushing. PUSHING! All my other goats have had plenty of discharge before they start pushing babies out, so it did catch me by surprise a little.
But then Dandelion stopped pushing and ate some hay.
I brought my lunch into the barn. After finishing my soup, Dandy pushed again. See how considerate she is, letting me finish eating? She pushed in earnest, and two feet appeared - a good thing, because it means the baby was in the correct position. I helped by gently pulling on the baby's legs with her contractions, as my six-year-old daughter Eva looked on. This part is hardest for the goat. The head and the shoulder have to come out, and they are big, and the goat screams.
Eva: "I am NEVER EVER having babies!!!"
Dandelion: "Me neither!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Very soon, the slippery, wet bundle of goat baby is born. It's a girl! I present her to Mama goat to lick, and I clean the baby's nose and mouth of mucous with a paper towel."
Dandelion: "Wowser! I'm glad that's over. Awwww, look at my beautiful baby. It has my eyes! It has her Dad's nose. And the ears? What the heck? I know ya'll always make fun of my ears, because I am a Lamancha goat, and everyone always says we don't have ears. We DO have ears, thank you very much, but they are just small.
But look at my baby's ears! They are a mix between mine and their Dad's super long Boer goat ears.
Ohhh, I'm in love. Let me lick this precious baby."
Corina: "I need more paper towels."
Eva: "There's slime everywhere. I better help clean up this baby. Mom says it needs to be dry. It's so cute! I want to keep it. Mom, we won't eat it, will we?"
Corina: "I need more paper towels!"
Dandelion: "This little human child sure is excitable. Do I need to head butt her?"
While Dandelion is busy licking her baby, Eva and I help her dry it off with paper towels. Five minutes after being born, the baby stands on wobbly legs.
Baby #1: "Is there any milk around here somewhere? Weeeehhhh, I was standing, but my legs aren't working that good yet. Maybe a wee sip of milk would help with that? Let's stand up again. Weeeehhhh!"
As I help the baby find the teat, she suckles, her tail furiously swishing back and forth.
This stimulates more contractions.
Dandelion: "Ohhh no, not again. I feel like pushing! Gaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!"
Oh, look! Another little girl! She looks like an Oreo cookie!
The babies are born, dried off, and now we are helping them nurse properly. Colostrum is very important for the newborns, since it contains lots of good antibodies and nutrients.
Baby #1: "That milk is making me sleeeeeeepy."
My (human) children and I agree: It's time to cuddle with the babies.
Eva (6 yrs): "Listen, people. I was the one drying off the slimy stuff. I was there from the beginning. These babies are mine. Hands off. They belong to ME."
Lukas (11 yrs): "I think we'll name them Caramel and Oreo."
Kai (13): "Yeah, they are cute and all, but don't show this picture of me to my friends on Facebook. It's a little un-cool. Although... there's a girl I like, and she really loves goats. Well... Maybe we can leak this to Facebook, after all!"
Corina (me): "I need more paper towels!"
"Anyway, there you have it. I say me and Papa Boer goat did a good job, wouldn't you? My babies are feisty little girls. I sure feel protective of 'em. In fact, I did head butt that little human kid today. She was crawling around on the barn floor with my babies, making squealing noises, so I thought I'd teach her a lesson. Gave her a bloody lip and made her cry. But she has to learn, that one. Be gentle with my babies, is all I can say.
Ain't they pretty?"
Bye for now! Stop by and visit my beautiful kids. But don't be too rough, otherwise I'll head butt you.