Sunday, February 21, 2021

This is very vulnerable and scary to share for me

 Hi there, happy Sunday!

I want to tell you something really, really vulnerable, and it’s scary for me to share this here. But I feel like I NEED to share it. And I’m telling you not so that you’ll feel sorry for me, but for a specific reason, and you’ll see in a minute why.

Ready? Okay... Deep breath... Here it goes:

My childhood was pretty rough. I grew up in a house where our grandparents lived with us, and my grandfather was literally an alcoholic axe murderer. He had killed several of his pets in a rage, and he kept threatening to kill his wife, our grandma. I was and still am a very sensitive soul who picks up on everyone’s feelings, so you can imagine how my nervous system was on high alert all. the. time.

My mom and dad had four children within six years when they were still very young, and they were super overwhelmed and financially struggling a lot. My mom was depressed, distant and bitter, and my dad was unpredictable and controlling. I can’t remember either of them ever hugging me or telling me they loved me.

I was always a “good girl”, bringing home straight A’s and excelling in sports, but I never got praised for it. In fact, I got criticized frequently for anything that was less than perfect. And even though I was good and obeyed all the rules, whenever one of us four kids (all girls) did anything wrong, my father beat all four of us. This was supposed to build character.

I could tell you story after heartbreaking story, but I don’t think I need to. You get the picture.

As a result of all these experiences, I believed in my bones that I am never good enough, that I am not worthy, that I am not wanted, and that I am not safe. These beliefs have been core wounds of mine that cut very, very deep, and they created destructive and painful patterns in my life.

And this is why I'm sharing this with you:
If you have some of these same core wounds, you know how devastating it feels when you are being attacked or shamed by someone, or when you don’t feel appreciated or valued. You know how incredibly painful it is when you feel that you are not wanted or don't belong.

This last week, I felt attacked and shamed by someone I trusted. You know that feeling when you are really triggered, like you are gut punched? I swear, when that person confronted me with her wagging finger (just like my parents used to do), I literally felt my face burning with shame. It turned beet red, and I wanted to disappear in the earth. Or start throwing punches and attacking with a vengeance.

I’ve talked with many of my coaching clients who have had these experiences of being triggered, being emotionally or psychically gut punched.  In the aftermath of that, it can literally feel like you are crazy or losing your mind, right? It’s the worst feeling!

We believe what the other person is saying about us is true, because this is what we learned when we were little. See? I am indeed not good enough, I am indeed not worthy, I am not wanted, and I am sure as hell not safe.

And then maybe there’s another part of you that doesn’t believe it, or that pushes back against it.

But it’s all just such a big balled-up mess, all smooshed together, and it’s painful, and it’s shameful, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s confusing, and sad, and depressing, and hopeless, and it pisses you off, and you feel like you are going nuts.

And this is why I’m sharing this with you: There is actually a way out of this! Read on.

For me, in the past during the scenario where that person attacked me, I would have gone down a terrible shame spiral, and then I would have either hidden and felt completely resentful and not ever extended myself to someone again, hidden my light and played small.

Or I would have puffed up like a gladiator and wanted to beat the shit out of them. Not really, but you know what I mean? I would have attacked them with my words, yelled, cut them off and tried to get back at them, or completely severed the relationship.

That would have created a whole other mess and not worked in the long term.

Instead, I was able to calm myself down. I was able to stay more objective and see what was really going on. I didn’t blow up the relationship with this attacking person. I then reached out for support from people I trust, and they were able to mirror back to me the truth, which was immensely helpful. This way of showing up left my self worth and self esteem intact instead of destroying it. In fact, it got strengthened through this whole ordeal.

And this shift, this transformation is something everyone can learn. If I, the damaged, messed up Corina, can learn it, you can, too. I have immersed myself in the work of transforming my old beliefs and painful patterns for a while now, and I've created amazing, almost miraculous results because of it.

But I couldn't do this by myself, and chances are if you are reading this, you can't either. And there's nothing wrong with that! We all need support, we need accountability, we need tools and practices and a system.

I would absolutely love to support you and teach you this system. It’s actually a step-by-step process that’s incredibly effective and powerful.

You can either do this through one-on-one coaching with me, or in my much more affordable online group coaching program that starts March 1st. I want to invite you from the bottom of my heart to participate in it, because it’s so powerful and life changing, and I know it works, because I use it every day.

The early bird pricing ends in two days, so I encourage you to check it out, look at my program, read the testimonials, and come join us!

 


What are you struggling with most, and what do you want to transform?
Come join us before the early bird pricing ends!

Click on the image to download my free ebook and to join my mailing list

Become a patron!!!

If you like our blog, please become a patron. What the heck does that mean? As a patron, you give us as little as $1 a month (or as much as $20 a month) to show your support and get exclusive, patron-only content from us. You will get tutorials, recipes, inspiration, and support from us, the homesteading, wilderness and homeschooling experts! You can cancel anytime!

https://www.patreon.com/Marblemounthomestead

Popular Posts